I’m going to ramble and waffle a bit because that’s what I do best and that’s why you, (‘you’ being my 2 friends who I’m certain are the only people who read this blog), love me.

I am weirdly feeling good.
2019 ended weirdly and 2020 began even weirder.
But I’m still okay about it.

(For total transparency, I published this blog post where I talk about my thoughts/feelings after having finished uni a few days ago, but I backdated it. The entire post was sat, perfect and ready to go, this entire time in my drafts and I thought it quite an important one to post. So apologies for the slight bit of internet trickery there).
ANYWAYS, in that post I mentioned that I wanted to have a ‘big girl job’ by September/October time in London. Well, I did just that. I got a job working as a recruitment consultant in Central London in September. All I can say is, it wasn’t all it cracked up to be. In all honesty, by the time it got to September and I still didn’t have a job, I panicked and went into the only thing I thought would have me – I had been rejected by SO MANY other jobs at this point. Sales has never interested me and after a few months working there I realised it really wasn’t for me. On top of this, commuting to Central was an agg and stupidly expensive. My mental health took a turn for the worst, (SADs is outchea and she is a real bitch), and to top it all off my Grandma had a stroke.

When we got to the back end of 2019 and everyone was talking about the new decade and the wave of change and all this, instead of brushing it off as cliche, I actually took a step back and really thought about it. If the last decade, (or rather the last 2 years), has taught me anything, it’s that life is obscenely fragile and can change in an instant. I thought to myself, if I were to be hit by a bus tomorrow, I would die doing a job I really don’t enjoy. (Which is pretty tragic seeing as you actually spend more time at work than you do at home – which is still such a wild concept to me). I do not have a mortgage, important bills, any kids – I am in a position in my life, (which won’t last forever), where I can be selfish and do things for myself. Obviously the doubts kept screaming in my head: ‘it’s going to look bad on your CV’; ‘what if you don’t find another job’; ‘everyone is going to think you’re a quitter’; rah rah rah. I came to the simple conclusion, however, that I do not give a single shit. I have to make the decisions that are going to benefit me and my life. So, on returning to work in the New Year, I handed in my notice and was put on Garden Leave immediately. I was sad I wasn’t able to say goodbye to the other grads I started with, who I got on with so well and truly consider friends or the wider team I was working in. At first, I thought I had made a huge mistake and my anxiety was off the charts, but I slept on it and woke-up the next morning feeling good good good.

I am now looking for a job that I enjoy. I’m not expecting to find my long-term career job only 2nd time round, (that would be great but I’m still a Virgo realist), but I need to be doing something that I truly enjoy and feel fulfilled by. I’m ideally looking to do fundraising in the charity sector or even just events in corporate. I have the most supportive friends and family who have been giving me tips and tricks on how to go about doing this too. I’m also open to project management or even giving marketing/PR a go. What’s more, I went to the doctor about getting some therapy/counselling to help with my mental health which is struggling at the moment so I can go into my new job with a healthy mind and outlook.

I think in this rambling somewhere I have figured out my New Years Resolution.
My main aim for this year is to put myself first. (In the least selfish way possible). I feel like it’s in my nature to do everything for everyone else and never give myself any TLC or think about/do what’s best for me. I also need to take agency and responsibility for the things that I do have control over and try to not stress about things outside of my control. 2020 is the year of change my friends – this year I’m going to do the things I want to do, for myself, by myself if need be.

My less dramatic resolutions include:
Properly start saving – I can’t live at home forever so I have direct debits set-up for saving. I also want to do some travelling next year, so will need some P for that.
Get sexy again – I have officially declared 2020 the Year of Sexy. I have a PT I’m working with at the mo and I’m already starting to feel better in myself.
Get back into my hobbies – this includes dancing and writing this blog again! I love writing posts and reading them back. I have some exciting trips coming up so I will definitely have some content for you guys there but otherwise, I guess I’ll just have to make my life more exciting won’t I!

I’m currently on the job hunt so I’m putting it out there: I will enjoy going to and being at work. I will feel fulfilled by my job. I will be truly happy in my next job.