This post is a bit of a different one today. Originally, I started writing this blog as a way for me to look back – an online diary almost. If you’re an OG follower, (I see you and I appreciate you!), you might remember some fairly unhinged ramblings from when I was in a deep life trough whilst living in Spain. Those posts have since been committed back to drafts, as may this one.

The reason it took so long for my Central America posts to come was because my Grandma was unwell. I got back from Guatemala and quickly travelled to Nevis to help care for her, but a week after I returned to England, I got the call that she had passed on.

Being back in Nevis for the service and being in the house without my Grandma really did feel weird: wrong almost. It felt empty. I’ve been visiting Nevis all my life, (I spent my 1st birthday there), back then, it was to visit my Great-grandma. Then, when my Grandparents moved back, it was to visit them. Now, with my Grandma gone and my Grandad back living with us, (he has Dementia so couldn’t stay out there by himself), Nevis feels different. It feels like a holiday destination as opposed to home. Some of my most favourite memories are from spending time in Nevis. I feel most at peace in Nevis. I would go as far to say that I feel most myself when I’m there. It will always be my favourite place on earth, but I have no idea when I will visit again.

We tried to do some fun things whilst out there this last time, (and when we visited back in April that I never got round to writing up), as we knew it might be our last trip for a long while, but I don’t know how I feel about writing it up and posting – it doesn’t feel right. Nothing really feels right at the moment. Today is my birthday, and I honestly could not imagine anything worse than celebrating this past year. Whilst there have been some really good things happen, the passing of my Grandma just outweighs everything.

I have a whole tag on this blog called ‘Island Life‘, the majority of which is Nevis so if you fancy reading about the most beautiful island on the planet, then defo. check that out.

Who knows, maybe in time, I’ll feel to reminisce. If I do, I’ll be sure to take you along with me.